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freewrites, dreams, memories...

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(no subject) [May. 7th, 2015|01:20 pm]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

In a transient heart kiss
I fly with you
to always fall
in flames
do I take to the sea
let it enfold me in liquid solace
when you go away from me?

or stick to the warm earth
that holds me steady
and comforts me like a blanket
on a cold night?

my questing soul
falls deeper and shallower
every time
I want more and less
and know better
than it all
because...I don't really have wings
and sometimes the sky is empty
and the ocean can be cold
and the earth can be hard and unyielding
but flying feels like touching the infinite
swimming feels like ease
and the earth feels like home
even if it's only for a moment.
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My Good Old Friend [Mar. 27th, 2015|01:30 pm]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

Originally posted by wymmwh at My Good Old Friend
She was 83 when I met her, and soon Vera Nikolaevna became my best friend. I was 12 but the big age difference was not an obstacle for us. Vera was my English teacher. She was born in 1906 – the very beginning of 20th century. She had a twin-sister Mary. Both women had white hair and looked alike. When they were talking, they liked to speak French and then switch to German or English. I still wonder how they survived the 1917 revolution when almost all cultural and noble Russians had been murdered or sent off.
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Hello everyone! [Mar. 27th, 2015|01:28 pm]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

Hi! My name is Denis. I write short stories and would like to exchange with other authors. I am not a native English speaker but I do my best to find proper words, to express my emotions and create something, which could touch.
I will be happy to meet new friends and yes - critics as well.
Have a nice day (or night)!
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(no subject) [Mar. 21st, 2015|09:11 pm]
freewrites, dreams, memories...



ARIES: Sometimes the sun shines too bright and there are tears tucked away in the corner of your eyes. You blink them away, and you bare your teeth at the world again – bloody-smiled and mad-eyed.

TAURUS: When will those you love start loving themselves? When will they press their little broken selves together again? Your neck aches, and the cavity in your back tooth throbs. The days roll past in slow golden molasses of heat and time, and you wither a little in the unrelenting summer.

GEMINI: The voices in your head yowl like the shriek of the train hurtling down the tunnel. But eh! It’s okay – your hair is on point and your collar is buttoned flush-tight against the bob of your throat.

CANCER: Your mind is a Ferris wheel, hung with rainbow lights that judder in time to the beat in your blood and turning slowly, slowly, slowly in the lonely wind of your thoughts. Your hands are scarred with the violence of your past, scarred with the disappointments of old wrongs and come! Bring your knife down again, because time moves in revolutions.

LEO: Toss a ball into the sky, and watch it hang there in the blue for one perfect moment – and when it comes hurtling down to earth again, dance out of the way in your beaten-up sneakers and set the video you took of it to sad post-rock music.

VIRGO: You really should wash the clothes that pile in great piles in your house. Sometimes you play hide-and-seek among the drifts with yourself. What makes you scared is that someday, someone will touch the back of your shoulder.

LIBRA: A perfect sight in black and gold, lips darkened in bruised red from the alcohol that swirls in the glass that is clutched too tight in your worn hands. You tell people, “My heart is black, black as my dress.” Someday, you will find someone who will pry your ribcage open to verify that claim.

SCORPIO: Your mother sits in the corner of your room, and she is knitting a long maroon scarf that has your name written in hot curling pink letters. Your father sits downstairs, and he sips tea and whiskey from a chipped mug. Some days, you try to escape.

SAGITTARIUS: The cold of the desert bites into your bones, and your lips are long chapped into blood. The skies open up in a brilliant sprawl overhead, the stars mapping out an unbreakable code that leads the way home.

CAPRICORN: Winter sees you buying sweaters, large sweaters that held you like your father never held you.

AQUARIUS: When will you swim again? The ocean looms deep and blue, and the waves hurl themselves against the jagged grey teeth-rocks that cluster under the cliff you’ve so often drove up to lately. You’ll swim again someday, you think, when the old man that lives in the cottage on the beach dies. You’ll swim, and you will be beautiful, falling into the most perfect arc through bleak air.

PISCES: Didn’t you know I loved you?

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(no subject) [Jan. 20th, 2015|09:32 am]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

conceived perceived and received
my broken finger harp
sings sad songs
of edited memories
feeling the deletion
of every brittle bone of hope
that who I was
and who we all are
meant something more
once upon a time fascinating
now just fading
worn to nothing by the wind.
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Turn The Pain Into Something Sweet [Jan. 15th, 2015|02:52 pm]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

Writing letters I'll never send
Trying to turn the pain into something sweet
But you wouldn't get it, never got me
My meant to be, wasn't meant to be.

Pen a line then cross it out
A Rubik's cube mind of jumbled up thoughts
Paint the sky a Starry Starry Night
Do you see what I see?
I held onto hope, but you let it go.

I want to apologise, but I'm not sorry
I was nothing but a joke, a game, a fool
Here I am, a fucking cliche
A guitar in hand and an atrocious song.

But here's the heart-on-sleeve honesty
I want it all back
The horrible misery and heartache
The angry silence and yelling in the street
I don't care.
I just want it back.
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Magician [Jan. 14th, 2015|11:08 am]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

I thought you were the phoenix the shaman, the almost god.
But that's what I was supposed to think, wasn't it? All too human you are.
But, you do have a kind of magic.
I met you and knew I was going to feel...something. Powerful.
And you sensed it too.
What I didn't know was that it isn't me you wanted or were falling for.
It's the audience, the adoration, the attention. You feed off of it.
So you create your illusions for an already willing audience.
I set up barriers, flimsy ones. Which you knocked down.
I suppose I wanted you to. But that's part of it.
Once you have what you want, once it's easy, you don't want it anymore.
I suppose most of us are like that.
And you haven't really shared anything with me but the show.
To this day I don't know what you feel about me, except maybe ambivalent.
What's weird is I know so many of your flaws and incompatabilities and I still want you, still think about you.
Even though I know I shouldn't.
I can't seem to help it.
And you said so many things, with a passion that caught my heart.
"you're at the forefront of my mind, most days"
"I heard this song on the radio and it made me think of you"
the look in your eyes when you wanted to jump at me from across the yard when I was leaving, but couldn't because we had an audience.
All because in that moment, for a second, I was denying and defying you, and us, fighting it and ready to fight you.
Such fire. I wanted it. I want it.
But for the most part, it's gone. Unless I find a way to provoke you again.
None of this should have been in or still on my mind.
But it still is. One day I might just be able to let it go.
Until then, you are both the fire that burns and the wind that feeds the flame of all the things that are left in my soul for you.
They turn to ash and return to be burned again.
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(no subject) [Jan. 7th, 2015|05:45 pm]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

Imagine what it's like to be happy
Imagine what it's like to be loved
To be loved without a price tag
To just be, for the sake of being
And having someone come along for your dreams
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Fear [Jan. 3rd, 2015|09:42 pm]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

[Current Location |home]
[mood |hopefulhopeful]

Fear is a miserable, horrifying thing. Fear for others, fear for yourself, fear that you are not enough, fear that there is a void behind you and you can only keep running and never stop, because it is always there and it is always ready to swallow you.

Sometimes you forget the fear. But the fear is always there. Those who feel brave know that one must face it and never flinch back in order to defeat it. But the question is this:

How does one know the difference between running through it, and running from it?

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(no subject) [Dec. 29th, 2014|05:27 am]
freewrites, dreams, memories...

I still wish I were dead.
Like the leaves that fall from the trees. Get crunched by your boot in the autumn streets. Broken down to dust.

I still rise in the morning.
Stare into a mirror that looks right back at me. 'You're blind, you see. That emptiness inside, it just won't leave.'

I still watch the time.
Fast forward, freeze frame, hit play. Day after day, nothing ever changes. Endless, repeating.

I still try to escape.
That dizzying hallway and all the locked doors. They hold broken records, and memories and thoughts. I am alone.
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